Moved by the sound of His voice.
Seas that are shaken and stirred,
Can be calmed and broken for my regard.
Through it all, through it all,
My eyes are on You.
Through it all, through it all,
It is well.
Through it all, through it all,
My eyes are on You.
It is well with me."
(It Is Well By Kristene DiMarco-Bethel Music)
As my church sang this song during worship, the lyrics brought me back to the story of Jesus walking on the water. In the passage from Matthew 14:22-33, it says that the boat carrying Jesus' disciples went on ahead as Jesus stayed behind to pray on the mountainside. As evening came Jesus went out to the boat walking on the water since it was a considerable distance from land. When the disciples saw Jesus walking towards them they thought they were seeing a ghost and trembled in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." Peter, one of the disciples, then asked if it was truly Him and if so then Jesus would ask him (Peter) to walk out on the water towards Him. Jesus said "Come," and Peter got out of the boat and started walking towards Jesus but as the winds and water rose Peter became afraid and started to sink. Peter said, "Lord save me!" and immediately Jesus reached out his hands and caught him. Jesus said, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" When both Peter and Jesus got back into the boat the winds and waves calmed down. Those that were in the boat then began to worship him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
Many times in my life I share similar actions to that of Peter. I keep my eyes on Jesus as I walk in faith with Him and then circumstances around me causes me to be afraid or distracted, which then diverts my eyes off of Him and causes me to begin to sink. As I become a little bit more overwhelmed, Jesus is still standing right beside me and takes ahold of me so I won't continue to sink. Why is it that we can be strong and steadfast in our faith and it can only take one moment for us to doubt? Jesus repeatedly tells us to not be afraid and to keep trusting in Him, but because of our sinful nature we try to rely on our own strength and we all know that will eventually fail. Lately I have been reminded time and time again to keep my eyes on Jesus and my trust in Him. What a journey it has been and as I look back on the experiences, I continue to thank Jesus for extending His hands out to me and taking ahold of me.
As many of you know, I have a huge passion for teaching children. Ever since I helped out in my church's children group on Wednesdays and Sundays, my love for children grew and grew. I've been studying Early Childhood and Childhood Education for the past four years and I have one more semester for student teaching. In the state of New York there are three significant certification tests that I have to pass before I can student teach...they are: the ALST, the CST, and the EAS. Each tests assesses various content from critical reading to writing to topics specifically on education (like various teaching methods and skills) at various levels of difficulty. Now standardized tests has never been my strongest forte, so preparation is key for me to best help me in succeeding. I planned on taking two of the tests during my Christmas break so that I had space and time to retake it again if need be and to take my third test in the spring. I prepared and prepared and finally the test date came. I had my prayer warriors join me in prayer throughout the tests and I felt confident after I completed them. One of the toughest things for anybody I would say is the feeling of waiting and that indeed was the case in finding out about my tests results. Thirty days passed and a message appeared in my inbox with my score results. I had mixed emotions and I asked my mentor to open the email as I sat beside her. She scrolled down and the first test score, the ALST, revealed that I hadn't passed by a slim two points!! She continued onto the next test score, the CST, which revealed that I had passed! So I was 1 for 2 in my tests. I felt both relieved that I passed one test but also disappointed that I didn't pass the other test by a mere two points! It was back to preparation mode as I signed up to retake the ALST again as well as take the EAS for my first time in the spring. The time came for me to take the second round of tests and again I had my strong support of prayer warriors covering me in prayer. The day came and went and after completing each tests I prayed to Jesus thanking Him for giving me the ability to complete the test and to give the results into His hands. By the time I received my second email containing the score reports I was home for the summer, so this time around I had to open the email by myself. I remembering taking a deep breath before reading the email. The ALST was the first test that appeared and the dreaded three words that I didn't want to see appeared, which was...Did Not Pass. I felt a sick feeling in my stomach and began asking why, why? I calmed my nerves enough to continue onto the next test and the scores revealed that I had passed the EAS. That made 2 for 3 in my tests and not passing the ALST for two consecutive times. The emotions rolled in and doubt and anxiety started to rise, which took my eyes off of Jesus. I was devastated and I started to question God in why was this happening to me? I was thinking of all the worst case scenarios where if I didn't pass the ALST by the end of the summer that I possibly wouldn't be able to go back to school in the fall to student teach. I thought of what would I do if I had to stay home and how would it affect my education? I started to doubt my abilities and if teaching was what I was supposed to do. Satan was using his power to infest doubt, anxiety, lies, and hopelessness into my heart and mind. An internal battle began to wage inside me and I went through various emotions the next few days, almost to the point where I was completely numb emotionally. But then God faintly reminded me that He was still with me and that my life was in His hands. I was desperate and I called out to my brothers and sisters in Christ asking for prayer as I was continuing through this battle. Slowly the light shined through the darkness and I began to let the words of Christ breath life back into me. Clinging onto every word that was written in the Bible passages I read gave me more confidence and there were several songs that spoke to me as well, one especially being Will Reagan's To The Very End. I realized that I was trying to solve everything in my own power but that was failing. Jesus kept reminding me that He was my Rock, that He was my Warrior, that He was my Provider, and that He would carry me through this storm and battle. It was one of the most difficult things for me to do, but I relinquished everything to Him. I finally let go of my own strength and started to hold onto Jesus for all my strength. My eyes were reverted back onto Him. I am thankful that Jesus used His words to strengthen my faith ever the more and that He surrounded me with brothers and sisters in Christ that I could share my heart with and in return they encouraged me and gave me confidence that I was indeed called to be a teacher and that I needed to continue to walk in faith with Christ.
So I signed up to take the ALST for my third and hopefully last time in the beginning of June. For about two weeks straight I was on study mode lockdown. The test date was June 9th and leading up to the test date two of my friends sent me two Bible verses that spoke so well into the situation I was facing. They gave me Philippians 4:4-9 and 1 Peter 5:7 to soak into my heart and mind. The words reminded me to cast all my anxiety onto Jesus for he cares for me; that in prayer I could share all my needs to Him; and that my mindset should be set on things that were true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. I felt at peace going into the test, during the test, and after the test. I surrendered my mind to Jesus and the test results to Him. I accepted that no matter the outcome, Jesus was my all in all and that He would carry me through it. My eyes were fixed on Him.
Well, by now you're probably wondering if I passed or not and I am so overwhelmed with joy to say that I indeed PASSED THE ALST!!! All the glory, honor, and praise belongs to Jesus. I cannot say enough how much gratitude I have to all my friends and family for being my biggest prayer warriors. Every single tests they surrounded and covered me with prayer and they constantly spoke words of encouragement and confidence over me, especially when I doubted myself. I am so thankful to my Abba for teaching me so much through this process and never giving up on me, even when I wanted to give up on both Him and myself. He extended his arms out to me and carried me through the storm. My eyes are fixed on Jesus! The journey isn't over yet. Yes, I have passed all three of my certification tests but the journey has only begun.
Here are some things that you can specifically pray for me:
1) That all of my forms are processed before I student teach
2) For the trip my father and I will take at the end of August with my car from Texas all the way to New York.
3) Financially for my last semester that God will continue to provide for my various expenses.
4) For the 4th grade and Kindergarten classes I will be student teaching in the fall.
5) And for my walk with Christ that I may continue to be faithful to Him, surrendering everything to Him, and allowing Him to guide my future.
Through every trial, storm, or battle KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS. His promises are true and only by His strength can you overcome. He is faithful so rejoice in Him. Be blessed.
